Violent obedience.

Recently, it's been quite easy to slip into "do" mode: going from one endeavor to the next in an effort to accomplish goals--work at The EDGE, class, tutoring, caring for Lauren, family, friends, study, baseball (I'm playing on a baseball team!), ect. Of themselves, each of these is important and good for me.

However, I feel like everything can kind of get caught up in this vague sense of duty, an attitude that's finally selfish in nature, even if it strives for servant-heartedness. I recognize the need to fight against that and care for "endeavors" with a true servant-attitude that reflects my heart for Christ:

"Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant tahn yourselves. Let each of you look not only to your own interestes, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not consider equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men." (Philippians 2:3-7)

Ultimately, this cannot mean that I am to "shrink back" into myself and simply pour through the motions seen as "service," thusly fulfilling my position as one who lives humbly. I really believe that humility must mean that I must live more violently; that is, forcefully and purposefully submitting my functions and the facultities of those functions--relationships to others (v. 3-4), mind (v. 5), and body (v. 8)-- to God.

"And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." (Philippians 2:8)

Father, may my brothers and I live with such violent obedience!

Oswald Chambers quote

"Beware of isolation; beware of the idea that you have to develop a holy life alone. It is impossible to develop a holy life alone; you will develop into an oddity and a peculiarism, into something utterly unlike what God wants you to be. The only way to develop spiritually is to go into the society of God’s own children, and you will soon find how God alters your set. God does not contradict our social instincts; He alters them. "

Biblical Psychology, 189 L

Chambers gets it again

The Lord wants us, not our usefulness.

"Our tendency today is to put the emphasis on service. Beware of the people who make their request for help on the basis of someone’s usefulness. If you make usefulness the test, then Jesus Christ was the greatest failure who ever lived. For the saint, direction and guidance come from God Himself, not some measure of that saint’s usefulness. It is the work that God does through us that counts, not what we do for Him. All that our Lord gives His attention to in a person’s life is that person’s relationship with God— something of great value to His Father. Jesus is “bringing many sons to glory . . .” (Hebrews 2:10)."

Have a great day men.

deviation

I have had a stressful week. It was a very good week in some ways, but my focus was shaken from the Creator amidst the busyness many times.
DAD, can I come home and work for you again? Please forgive me.
As leaders, we cannot linger too long looking back at mistakes. Maintain bearing.

Luke 9
61Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family.”
62Jesus replied, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”


1 Kings 19
19So Elijah went from there and found Elisha son of Shaphat. He was plowing with twelve yoke of oxen, and he himself was driving the twelfth pair. Elijah went up to him and threw his cloak around him. 20Elisha then left his oxen and ran after Elijah. “Let me kiss my father and mother good-by,” he said, “and then I will come with you.”
“Go back,” Elijah replied. “What have I done to you?”
21So Elisha left him and went back. He took his yoke of oxen and slaughtered them. He burned the plowing equipment to cook the meat and gave it to the people, and they ate. Then he set out to follow Elijah and became his attendant.

Philippians 3
12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
15All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
17Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. 18For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. 19Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. 20But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

I want to thank you men for repeatedly pointing me to the cross and reminding me to die so much in the recent past months. Also thank you for listening to my thoughts and emotions. The respect and loyalty I have for you is immense.

practical self denial

"The real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussing and frettings; coming in out of the wind."

C.S. Lewis

dont look back

"Suppose someone asked me, when I see a man in blue uniform going down the street leaving little paper packets at each house, why I suppose that they contain letters? I should reply, ‘Because when ever he leaves a similar little packet for me I find it does contain a letter.’ And if he then objected—’But you’ve never seen all these letters which you think the other people are getting,’ I should say, ‘Of course not, and I shouldn’t expect to, because they’re not addressed to me. I’m explaining the packets I’m not allowed to open by the ones I am allowed to open.’ It is the same about this question. The only packet I am allowed to open is Man. When I do, especially when I open that particular man called Myself, I find that I do not exist on my own, that I am under a law; that somebody or something wants me to behave in a certain way. I do not, of course, think that if I could get inside a stone or a tree I should find exactly the same thing, just as I do not think all the other people in the street get the same letters as I do. I should expect, for instance, to find that the stone had to obey the law of gravity—that whereas the sender of the letters merely tells me to obey the law of my human nature, he compels the stone to obey the laws of its stony nature. But I should expect to find that there was, so to speak, a sender of letters in both cases, a Power behind the facts, a Director, a Guide."

If I examine my "mail" I see plenty of doubts, fears, and trust issues. Beating myself up... So I want to encourage your "packets." Continue to seek Jesus' Kingdom first. Continue to die to yourself. You're doing great.

Luke 9
62 Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”

Purity and fruitfulness

I read an article entitled "The dangers of 'Fruitfulness' without Purity" today by a guy from Lausanne ministries named Michael Oh. It was really rich and encouraging, as purity remains a fierce battle in my life and the lives of many around me who are beginning to see fruits in female relationship, marriages, ministries, careers, and other endeavors.

"Winning or losing the heart battles over confession, repentance, and humility is the difference between those who end well and those who do not. Why hypocrisy often wins the day is, I believe, because leaders learn the possibility of being “fruitful” without being pure. . .The scary reality is that most of these seemingly blessed and fruitful ministries led by morally compromising leaders will never be brought to light on earth. Many lives are “successfully” lived and many ministries are “successfully” operated apart from a vital relationship with and properly desperate dependence upon Jesus Christ. This is the great scandal of Christian leadership; this is what leaders should fear."

I love you guys and look forward to seeing (some of) you this weekend!

Worship in Spirit and Truth

I think this has been a building realization in my life, especially this year, and today as I was reminded by Wayne Grudem how powerful and accessible is the spiritual reality in which we live, particularly during Worship.

Let me explain. Study Genesis, Exodus, (I skipped Leviticus), Deuteronomy. Being in the Lord's presence is something not to be taken lightly, in fact, after looking at all of the preparations for simply building the tabernacle, much less proper worship within it, brings you to a truly AWE-some realization of the intense sanctity and holiness of our God. The fact that we can approach and dwell within the Holy of Holies (as we rely upon Christ) is astounding once you look at the requirements of the high priest every year just to come to that moment. It was not done lackadaisically or in some ho-hum attitude, for meeting with the Holy God was a fearful and awe-inspiring experience.  (oh and at the end of 2 Sam, some dude accidentally touches the Ark. Bam. Dead!)

Now, if we live in the reality that Christ has torn the veil to the holy of holies, and we have direct access to God and we can stand before God in Christ's righteousness alone....what is that experience like when we come to worship!? What is the spiritual reality of those moments meeting with God?

Wayne points out the following after quoting this passage from Hebrews 12 (pg 1008. Systematic Theology. Chapter 51 "Worship")

Heb. 12:18 You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; 19 to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, 20 because they could not bear what was commanded: “If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned to death.”[c] 21 The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, “I am trembling with fear.”[d]

 22 But you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, 23to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the Judge of all, to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, 24 to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.

This is the reality of new covenant worship: it actually is worship in the presence of God, though we do not now see him with our physical eyes, nor do we see the angels gathered around his throne or the spirits of believers who have gone before and are now worshiping in God's presence. But it is all there, and it is all real, more real and more permanent than the physical creation that we see around us, which will someday be destroyed in the final judgment. And if we believe Scripture to be true, then we must also believe it to be actually true that we ourselves come to that place and join our voices with those already worshiping in heaven whenever we come to God in worship. Our only appropriate response is this: "Let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe; for our God is a consuming fire" (Heb. 12:28 - 29).

I am excited and challenged by this, that as I begin to worship, living in this time of “already, but not yet” we join the angels around his throne worshiping in God's presence in the true realization of the reality we live in Christ. So lets offer acceptable worship, with reverence and awe. Its one heaven of a party up there. Lets join in whoppaheads.

Desiring G. conference, Fall 2010

Think about it.

no man left behind

I was thinking about how the Big Man says "I will never forsake you..." to us. hold fast to Him. thats insanely cool.

5Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
"Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you."
Hebrews 13.5

Gut check

This list is a gut-check for more than just students:

http://fromthestudy.com/2008/05/14/how-to-waste-your-theological-education/

if we were on our porch right now...

having some alone time tonight boys. started reading ol bettwys book. thanks for being yourselves my friends. I miss our closeness but as bettwy so innocently writes in his book: he prays that we go on to do great things and be great men. and I beleivve that is happening now, amidst our best efforts to screw it up! haha. I cant help but have a bitter feeling in my heart when looking back on our great times together. I wish that I enjoyed it more in the moment. I wish I appreciated it more then. I wish I was content and loved life, those around me, and the God of the universe more while in blacksburg. Maybe that is an inevitable thought that comes with age. but I dont want it to be. I pray that God works in our lives so that we ARE joyful even when we think things are going wrong. the thing is Jeremiah says he has plans for us to prosper and the big man upstairs has made it clear over and over that we are not going to screw those plans up. let us all pray for this for eachother and I ask it for myself too because I feel I really struggle with this. not feel... know... I admire bettwy for his ability in this arena. yet he tells me he admires my ambition... oh how we all fit together. coincidence? psh.... guys lets stay true to our King, our general. I say this as a reminder to myself as much as to all of us, but we have to avoid the thought that money will make things ok. let us live simply and enjoy the blessings that we are freaking drenched in. we are free. we are still in blacksburg! this earth is the burg. God help us to love you and life NOW. in your sons name.

seek the kingdom first and all these things will be granted to you.

there is nothing better for a man than to love his family, eat his food, love his toil, and praise God. For that is his lot.

"Health and strength and goodness, no less than disease and vice and sin, are infectious and communicable. There are men and women so strong in faith, so resolute in purpose, so full of moral energy that virtue goes out from them. "And a man shall be as a hiding place from the wind, and a covert from the tempest; as rivers of waters in a dry place, as the shadow of a grat rock in a weary land." So we pass to the truth, the august and splendid truth, which underlies superstition. It is the truth of the unconcious influence. The greatest influence that men exert upon one another is for the most part exerted quite unconciously. It is the shadow of personality, of character. "What you are speaks so loudly to me," said Emerson, "that I cannot hear what you are saying." that is true of all of us. What we are is speaking so loudly, communicating news so plainly, that it quite discounts anything we may happen to be saying. It is true of the good, the bad, the mediocre, but it is true most greatly and most efficaciously of the good. What they are is forever speaking, forever influencing, forever casting, like Peter, this shadow of unconcious influence."
Howard Chandler Robbins, Simplicity Towards Chr.


Onward, dear ones.

Peter

I read in Peter today. This morning I picked the book back up after looking away from it since tuesday. Strangely ashamed to even look at it on my desk. I want to be real with people and not pretend. not kiss butt. I want to have integrity and treat everyone like a man. I want righteousness. Two verses that stood out to me.

1 pete 4 12 beloved do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.

2 17 honor everyone. love the brotherhood. fear doG. honor the emporer.


Lets hold tight to the principles, and not worry about what circumstances come.

Whoppas,

Brothers, I have to tell you that recently I have experienced some of my hardest days since coming back to Blacksburg. I'm not battling a "depression" like I was last fall, but it is a time where most everything is failing me. Why? I'm not sure. I've wept more in the last month than I have in a long time, part of that is good because I'm actually being truthful w/ where I am. Work is a painful, intensive experience which wars against my soul and who I believe my personality to be. I describe it as short breaths, the ones where you're hiking up a mountain at 13k ft and you wonder if you will ever stop panting, gasping, reaching for truly full lungs. It is in these moments where we want to sit down and rest, or hide from the pain. The peak is in sight, the prize is there, but I want to sit down. Sitting gives you altitude sickness and immobility, sitting prevents you from survival, much less the goal.

Its hard not to look at myself and say "you're screwed up, missing something, sinful,a failure, or incompetent". I've had the privilege of receiving the answer to that question tonight: that is exactly true. I am sinful, incapable without His grace, I have no rights of my own. What is this time? What is it for? Can I begin to look at this suffering as good? Can I view my God as powerfully loving in this time? I want to say yes, I need to find that truth again. To escape the legalism of performance, to escape the lies that the devil says you should be at this level and this powerful to consider yourself a good child of the Father.

The success the devil has had is in saying I'm disqualified, im inadequate. Well I am and always will be. If I get to far away from that I own my own righteousness, and I think I've been there before, it doesnt bode well.

This passage has bothered me for years, mostly because I know this is not my heart.

7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
(Phillipians 3:7-10)

That is probably why I'm here. I'm sick of hating the refiner's fire. I need to jump in, and receive it as love, from the Father speaking life to the full into me.

In my newfound vigilance to find truth admist this confusion and heartache, I came across this passage in Larry Crabb's (yes colt u can laugh) Inside Out. I think this speaks to my heart over the past two years. I think its time for me to embrace this and live in the fact that I don't need to perform for you guys or for the Lord. To accept his refining fire and not forget He is good:

"When we reflect deeply on how life really is, both inside our soul and outside in our world, a quiet terror threatens to overwhelm us. We worry that we simply won't be able to make it if we face all that is there. In those moments, retreat into denial does not seem cowardly, it seems necessary and smart. Just keep going, get your act together, stop feeling sorry for yourself, renew your commitment to trust God, get more serious about obedience. Things really aren't as bad as you intuitively sense they are. You've simply lost your perspective and must regain it through more time in the Word and increased moral effort."

I cant just keep going and ignore it or blame it on something. Does it include my sin, of course! Is it the greater love of the Father, Yes. I need to hold on to that. What do I appreciate more, men's view of my righteousness, or pruning by my father to true righteousness through the cross. I wanted to say hey, this is where I am. I love you guys and I need your prayer. I put it on the blog cuz, well, hey its the truth. Why hide from it?

"Receiving Grace Fully"

My today:

8 woke up with a spirit of hate writhing against me.

8-830 battled with a spirit of hate that was writhing against me

830-845 got onto the couch and jumped around, rebuking spirit of hate writhing against me. received grace fully.

845-905 walked to classroom. packed up fake Christmas tree from last year and brought it back to apartment. Saw Sunshine and chatted for a few seconds. Thought about when I used to see him walking toward me on campus last year, how I'd always start singing "You are my Sunshine, my only Sunshine!..." to him. I haven't done that lately...which is something I must remedy

905-10 researched for message I was planning for on ps 37, to our congregation (six people, myself included). saw that one of my fantasy football teams was kicking tail, as Miles Austin had 79 yards and a TD before 10 minutes were gone in the first quarter. Received grace fully (no pun intended...)
Listened to John "Smokin' the Pipe"-r talk about envy.

10-1030 rebuked spirit of fear in my living room. jumped around on my couch some more, dreaming of our time together. Wore: blue jeans, maroon VT rugby t-shirt, and oversized Hokie slippers. Perfect uniform for rebuking spirits, I do believe.

1030-11 Made/ drank coffee. Sat with friends in sanctuary/ breakfast table/ movie theater/ study area/ dining room/ newly-christened "rebuking zone"...aka, the living room. Spoke of our time with Canadians who Are Like Us who we met with to exhalt the day before.

11-1 Danced...we danced a pure dance of freedom and left no stone unturned, searching for the Truth inside eight sentences printed in a book made from letters written to friends, poems written to brothers about the One, and stories written about true things in life. We read ps 37, v. 1-11 together.

"What sticks out to you here?" I asked.
"Delight yourself in Him," Kerry answered.
"The part that talks about not fretting," Amelia noted. "I like that."

I noted the action verbs: "Trust" (v. 3), "do good" (3), "dwell" (3), "enjoy" (3), "Delight" (4), "Commit your way" (5), "trust in him" (5), "Be still" (7), "wait patiently" (7), "do not fret" (1, 7, 8), "turn from wrath" (8), "hope" (9).

Listened to a 'teaching' from the Pipe-smoking Johnnie himself. Challenged to fight envy with faith. Intentionally Came before Him together.

1-230 Ate food with these precious people. Asked again, after planning English Night (aka, club) for our lives, for logistical concerns, and for Truth to be Seen.

230-4 Fought more spirits of hatred. Sent e-mails. Burried head in the couch in a position of desperation. Asked and received grace fully.

4-7 heard knock on the door. Answered and carried chairs to my next-door-neighbor and teammate, Bethany's, apartment. Commensed "The MSA Christmas party" with 20 Chinese girls, three dudes (Wang Ja Jun, myself, and John), and our British neighbor, James. Played Yankee swap, charades, 20 questions, and a strange chinese game where everyone pretends to be confused about everything that's going on around them (I often don't have to pretend). Strove toward glad heart, even in the tired moments. favorite moments were during 20 questions, wherein I held a tiny turtle in my hands for about 20 minutes and tried to tickle his belly until he started running away.

7-8 Ate supper...I had "Tang su Li Gi Gai Fan (ten yuan to whoever translates that first!)

8-830 Helped our neighbor get her head wrapped around her thesis for English class. She greeted us at the door with dough all over her hands from making jiaotzi (dumplings).

830-930 Planned English Night. Listened to Jon, my roommate, speak about the date he had in Beijing this weekend. Prepared for club and understood that, indeed, not all days are the same. Received Grace Fully.

930-1111 Listened to Jon play the guitar and talk to his friends on Skype. G-chatted with Robert Ramsey, a young guy who I used to walk alongside, mutually pursuing the King, and challenged him to question if "how you receive is just as important as how you give." Wrote a blog entry about my day and entitled it "Receiving Grace Fully". Received Grace Fully.

1122 Pressed "Publish Post," planning to and (inevitably) executing the full reception of Grace.

Dang

Yes. That is all I have to say about Wheeler's post. In reality I thought "damn." Continue on Warrior Poets.

I have been faced with the fact that there is a calling on every day, that God does not wake me up to help me try and figure out my calling; he has already placed His calling in me when he put his presence in my life. His presence is a calling...to be in the presence of love is to be called. And my calling is to ask, seek, and knock for my joy and for the satisfaction and joy of others because we are the ones guaranteed, by the sealing favor of His blood, to receive, find, and eat at the banquet table.

"But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. ¹²Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. ¹³In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you ¹⁴to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, ¹⁵which God will bring about in his own time—God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, ¹⁶who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen." 1 Timothy 6:11-16

Wheels, continue to raise up that militia.

It Is an Honor,
Murden

Advent Study: "The Willard House Special"

I wanted to write y'all to let you know that I'm starting a study on Tuesday, something I'm calling "The Willard House Special." Remember with me the basement of the Willard House which, among other "charming amenities," housed a collection of several books. One of these books, for reasons perhaps some of you know better than I, was Max Lucado's God Came Near, which had a radical number of copies (maybe 30) that I never thought much of except that I wondered what they were there for.

Long story short, I stole a copy last Summer from the House and am going to read it as preparation for Christmas/ celebration of the Advent season (there's 31 chapters, so that will go from nov 24- dec 24). Please keep this pursuit in your thoughts, that it would expose me to Truth and the Greatness that He is in my life.

Feel free to join in the reading if you're looking for something to focus studies, thoughts, the like...let me know if you do. It would be a shame to buy it, considering the likelihood that there's still a bounty in Blacksburg, but as many of us are no longer there, so it may be.

"Stalwarts of the Faith"

The Cambridge Seven.

These guys really impressed me with the way that they seem so ready to lay it all down. Obviously, the China connection is there, but that is insignificant when viewed from the simple fact that they are our brothers:

"When these seven young men yielded their lives to [Him], they didn't runaway to a cave and become monks. They didn't shut their mouths and become quietly self-righteous. Instead, they continued to struggle and grow in love for [Him] and for others. They made the most of their situations for the sake of telling others about their [brother, Father, and friend], even though their individual positions meant nothing to them because of the joy and meaning they had in [Him].

("Report on 'The Cambridge Seven'")

I really benefited from reading through their biographies on this link. I mean...they're just a bunch of Whoppaheads being Whoppaheads.

-R.L. Betwy of "The Whoppahead Seven" (eight, nine, ten...)