I read in Peter today. This morning I picked the book back up after looking away from it since tuesday. Strangely ashamed to even look at it on my desk. I want to be real with people and not pretend. not kiss butt. I want to have integrity and treat everyone like a man. I want righteousness. Two verses that stood out to me.
1 pete 4 12 beloved do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.
2 17 honor everyone. love the brotherhood. fear doG. honor the emporer.
Lets hold tight to the principles, and not worry about what circumstances come.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
For those of you with Skype...
Gentlemen,
I wanted to open up a mode of communication that I have thus far neglected to make available to you. If you have skype, you can call my cell phone while I'm in China for $0.02/ minute.
Try it...it's amazing: (86) 15830293114
I love you guys entirely apart from anything you have done or will do in the future.
Ryan
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Whoppas,
Brothers, I have to tell you that recently I have experienced some of my hardest days since coming back to Blacksburg. I'm not battling a "depression" like I was last fall, but it is a time where most everything is failing me. Why? I'm not sure. I've wept more in the last month than I have in a long time, part of that is good because I'm actually being truthful w/ where I am. Work is a painful, intensive experience which wars against my soul and who I believe my personality to be. I describe it as short breaths, the ones where you're hiking up a mountain at 13k ft and you wonder if you will ever stop panting, gasping, reaching for truly full lungs. It is in these moments where we want to sit down and rest, or hide from the pain. The peak is in sight, the prize is there, but I want to sit down. Sitting gives you altitude sickness and immobility, sitting prevents you from survival, much less the goal.
Its hard not to look at myself and say "you're screwed up, missing something, sinful,a failure, or incompetent". I've had the privilege of receiving the answer to that question tonight: that is exactly true. I am sinful, incapable without His grace, I have no rights of my own. What is this time? What is it for? Can I begin to look at this suffering as good? Can I view my God as powerfully loving in this time? I want to say yes, I need to find that truth again. To escape the legalism of performance, to escape the lies that the devil says you should be at this level and this powerful to consider yourself a good child of the Father.
The success the devil has had is in saying I'm disqualified, im inadequate. Well I am and always will be. If I get to far away from that I own my own righteousness, and I think I've been there before, it doesnt bode well.
This passage has bothered me for years, mostly because I know this is not my heart.
7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
(Phillipians 3:7-10)
That is probably why I'm here. I'm sick of hating the refiner's fire. I need to jump in, and receive it as love, from the Father speaking life to the full into me.
In my newfound vigilance to find truth admist this confusion and heartache, I came across this passage in Larry Crabb's (yes colt u can laugh) Inside Out. I think this speaks to my heart over the past two years. I think its time for me to embrace this and live in the fact that I don't need to perform for you guys or for the Lord. To accept his refining fire and not forget He is good:
"When we reflect deeply on how life really is, both inside our soul and outside in our world, a quiet terror threatens to overwhelm us. We worry that we simply won't be able to make it if we face all that is there. In those moments, retreat into denial does not seem cowardly, it seems necessary and smart. Just keep going, get your act together, stop feeling sorry for yourself, renew your commitment to trust God, get more serious about obedience. Things really aren't as bad as you intuitively sense they are. You've simply lost your perspective and must regain it through more time in the Word and increased moral effort."
I cant just keep going and ignore it or blame it on something. Does it include my sin, of course! Is it the greater love of the Father, Yes. I need to hold on to that. What do I appreciate more, men's view of my righteousness, or pruning by my father to true righteousness through the cross. I wanted to say hey, this is where I am. I love you guys and I need your prayer. I put it on the blog cuz, well, hey its the truth. Why hide from it?
Brothers, I have to tell you that recently I have experienced some of my hardest days since coming back to Blacksburg. I'm not battling a "depression" like I was last fall, but it is a time where most everything is failing me. Why? I'm not sure. I've wept more in the last month than I have in a long time, part of that is good because I'm actually being truthful w/ where I am. Work is a painful, intensive experience which wars against my soul and who I believe my personality to be. I describe it as short breaths, the ones where you're hiking up a mountain at 13k ft and you wonder if you will ever stop panting, gasping, reaching for truly full lungs. It is in these moments where we want to sit down and rest, or hide from the pain. The peak is in sight, the prize is there, but I want to sit down. Sitting gives you altitude sickness and immobility, sitting prevents you from survival, much less the goal.
Its hard not to look at myself and say "you're screwed up, missing something, sinful,a failure, or incompetent". I've had the privilege of receiving the answer to that question tonight: that is exactly true. I am sinful, incapable without His grace, I have no rights of my own. What is this time? What is it for? Can I begin to look at this suffering as good? Can I view my God as powerfully loving in this time? I want to say yes, I need to find that truth again. To escape the legalism of performance, to escape the lies that the devil says you should be at this level and this powerful to consider yourself a good child of the Father.
The success the devil has had is in saying I'm disqualified, im inadequate. Well I am and always will be. If I get to far away from that I own my own righteousness, and I think I've been there before, it doesnt bode well.
This passage has bothered me for years, mostly because I know this is not my heart.
7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
(Phillipians 3:7-10)
That is probably why I'm here. I'm sick of hating the refiner's fire. I need to jump in, and receive it as love, from the Father speaking life to the full into me.
In my newfound vigilance to find truth admist this confusion and heartache, I came across this passage in Larry Crabb's (yes colt u can laugh) Inside Out. I think this speaks to my heart over the past two years. I think its time for me to embrace this and live in the fact that I don't need to perform for you guys or for the Lord. To accept his refining fire and not forget He is good:
"When we reflect deeply on how life really is, both inside our soul and outside in our world, a quiet terror threatens to overwhelm us. We worry that we simply won't be able to make it if we face all that is there. In those moments, retreat into denial does not seem cowardly, it seems necessary and smart. Just keep going, get your act together, stop feeling sorry for yourself, renew your commitment to trust God, get more serious about obedience. Things really aren't as bad as you intuitively sense they are. You've simply lost your perspective and must regain it through more time in the Word and increased moral effort."
I cant just keep going and ignore it or blame it on something. Does it include my sin, of course! Is it the greater love of the Father, Yes. I need to hold on to that. What do I appreciate more, men's view of my righteousness, or pruning by my father to true righteousness through the cross. I wanted to say hey, this is where I am. I love you guys and I need your prayer. I put it on the blog cuz, well, hey its the truth. Why hide from it?
Friday, January 1, 2010
Why are we Far Apart?
Xi nian qui le, wo de peng you! (Happy New Years, my friends!) I love you and am asking consistently for your hearts to live out the words He speaks, with authority, over us daily and that the world might know that He Lives. -Ryan
… protect them by the power of your name—the name you gave me—so that they may be one as we are one.
‘Why are we far apart?’ I ask.
‘You are the one who left,’ you’d say;
no, no, from such you would refrain,
in kindness wondering on this task:
why are we far apart? Is it
we’ve grown too old to be among
the presence of our Father’s sons?
I snub such satanic hindrance
we’ve grown too old to be among
the presence of our Father’s sons?
I snub such satanic hindrance
that says there’s any day we’ll meet
where we can’t share foolish wisdom,
the grass growing through our toes. Some
say we’ve lost the desire, deep
where we can’t share foolish wisdom,
the grass growing through our toes. Some
say we’ve lost the desire, deep
in places where guilty sin stings
the mightiest of men who pray
and stumble through the narrow way,
to pursue the heart of the king.
To this, I offer one brief thought:
to whom else would we go? It’s true,
you are the one who we look to,
the one who is what we have sought
the mightiest of men who pray
and stumble through the narrow way,
to pursue the heart of the king.
To this, I offer one brief thought:
to whom else would we go? It’s true,
you are the one who we look to,
the one who is what we have sought
beneath the cracking walls of some
old house in memories and dreams.
You’re first to hear lyrics we sing
among those walls, beckoning us come.
old house in memories and dreams.
You’re first to hear lyrics we sing
among those walls, beckoning us come.
Is it the burden of the helper
standing by, nagging out his life
as she dishes his troubling strife?
No. Let each dear sister know her
standing by, nagging out his life
as she dishes his troubling strife?
No. Let each dear sister know her
life is well-loved among these men
with whom she’s chosen share this space.
May she wear honor on her face
and lend, in turn, the same to them.
Have we viewed mercy so many
times that we know His love enough,
the great love which he had for us
and by grace gave us eyes to see?
with whom she’s chosen share this space.
May she wear honor on her face
and lend, in turn, the same to them.
Have we viewed mercy so many
times that we know His love enough,
the great love which he had for us
and by grace gave us eyes to see?
Before you give this answer, please
stop and tell me how you have gazed
upon the riches of his grace
immeasurable: how wide and deep?
stop and tell me how you have gazed
upon the riches of his grace
immeasurable: how wide and deep?
how long and high? Do get behind
me, Satan! I laugh and ponder,
why are we far apart? Summer
was the last time we sat and shined
me, Satan! I laugh and ponder,
why are we far apart? Summer
was the last time we sat and shined
mutually in His Glory:
the ripening sun as we jogged on
and watched lightning in a field some
long-remembered day in July.
the ripening sun as we jogged on
and watched lightning in a field some
long-remembered day in July.
I see guys everywhere who need
Whoppaheads, and they need to know
they are one with the Father so
that they may be one just as we
Whoppaheads, and they need to know
they are one with the Father so
that they may be one just as we
are one, brothers living actions
and truth. He made us in His image
to mutually seek his visage,
and showed one body how to love.
and truth. He made us in His image
to mutually seek his visage,
and showed one body how to love.
Therefore, we’ve wept and seen the cross
(I see it squarely as before),
and bowed, united, on the floor.
We asked for grace (G., grant us grace!):
(I see it squarely as before),
and bowed, united, on the floor.
We asked for grace (G., grant us grace!):
that’s why we ever came together,
why on separate paths we’ve embarked,
why perhaps one day we’ll unite
and why now we are far apart.
why on separate paths we’ve embarked,
why perhaps one day we’ll unite
and why now we are far apart.
-Ryan Bettwy
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